My Night of Awakening!

I think I understand? The night racism found me!

Ok so this one is going to be a little different than my focus for this blog but in light of what is going on in USA at the moment I felt I had to share this with as many people as I possibly could. I have decided not to use actual dates or names for reasons you may understand by the end of this story.

It was driving home on a hot summer night around 10pm, in a somewhat of a busy street on the east side of Las Vegas close to Henderson when I got pulled over by a police officer on a motorcycle. I had been pulled over many of times for speeding and other traffic violations as I loved speeding in my younger days and in almost every incident I knew what I did wrong but on this night I had no idea the reason.

It all started as the rest had, by the officer asking for my driver’s license and registration. As I was grabbing the demanded documents I asked the officer what the reason was for pulling me over and he responded by saying that I went through the intersection while the traffic light was red, which was a complete lie as I saw the light turn yellow while I was more than half way pass the intersection. I said here is my license and registration but I’m sure it was at most yellow while I was almost across the intersection! He then looked at my ID and said that he is the one decides if it was yellow or red.

He then took a step back toward my rear window and asked if I was an “Arab” because he said I had one of them terrorist names! I said that actually I’m Persian which is different and why is that even matter? What he replied was nothing short of ridiculous “cuz I wanna make sure you don’t have anything dangerous in this car for me like a bazooka” I remember the exact quote because it was the moment that changed everything for me.

My immediate response without a thought was “that is just a stupid thing to say on your part sir but no I don’t have anything dangerous in this car can we just speed up this process I worked 12 hours today and I’m trying to get home” to which he replied “you got a bad attitude and a big mouth on you so why don’t you step out of the vehicle” to which I replied “are you fucking serious right now? For what?” He then told me for the first time that he smells marijuana coming out of my car which was a complete bullshit.

I was extremely angry and shaken already at this post and bit scared as the officer started holding his gun ready as if it was a scene out of the movies I’ve seen when cops are looking for a reason to shoot a black person except this time I was one of the actors and this was no movie. He was ready to use whatever force necessary to get me out of the vehicle so I quickly came out with my hands up repeating ok sir! Ok I’m coming out. My body was shaking as he kept talking about how I thought I was sleek and a smart ass and how he will show me what the consequences of disrespecting a cop are in America.

After he searched me with violently hitting me hard with his boots on my leg to spread them even wider he asked if he can search my car. I said that’s fine I got nothing to hide and this is waste of time. He sat me down on the side of the road and yelled don’t you dare move you hear me? As he went to start searching inside my car I was in disbelief sitting with so much anger and fear. After what seemed like forever he shouted “got you now”.

He had found a small bag with the smallest amount of weed the size of a nickel coin from more than a year ago that had fallen under the seat somewhere. I remember looking for it a while back but I couldn’t find it and I figured it was lost or had been thrown out when I cleaned the car. He showed me the bag of weed with this proud look on his face and said didn’t think I would find it did you? As if he had solved The crime of decade. He asked where I got it to which I replied it was my friend’s from a while back that’s all I could think to say which was a half truth since it was from a while ago but it was my own. He then walked to his motorcycle and called for backup which I thought was interesting maybe another cop would be more reasonable doubt I could maybe de-escalate the situation somehow.

He started to walk back toward me saying stand up and turn around. I did what he told me to do and he proceeded to take the handcuffs off me. A good sign I thought and I couldn’t be more wrong as he demanded I walk a straight line turn at the end of 10 steps while keeping my left food planted turning and walking again 10 steps which I did perfectly. He then told me that he needs me to do the alphabet starting from Z to A which was simply absurd but I did it anyways it took a while I had never done that before for any reason. He said that it’s because I smoked weed that I was slow and it played a role in my running the red light. I responded by saying why don’t you go ahead and charge me with possession or intent to sell as well while we are at it. He responded oh don’t worry I’m on it your fucked. Then he put the handcuffs on me again and say me down next to my car.

It was a few minutes after I performed the sobriety test when the next officer showed up with a patrol car. They started talking on the opposite side of my car I couldn’t hear anything as they talked for about a couple of minutes. The cop driving the SUV came over to me and asked if I had been drinking because my eyes a bit red. So now suddenly my eyes were red? I said to the cop. I also told him as much about as I could about what had happened in the last hour or so to which he responded well you failed the sobriety test so we are gonna have to take you in.

I was shocked as I explain to him that I did every test the other cop told me to do perfectly and that’s when the first cop said loudly “that’s not what I remember”. At this point I realize that he had called the second cop just because he needed a car to transport me to jail because obviously he couldn’t take me in with the motorcycle but what was interesting was that he had called for a patrol car before I even did the test to prove I wasn’t intoxicated or drunk. He then said the whole bit about your going to jail for driving while intoxicated anything you say can be used … to which I replied “ we both know what you did here tonight but I kept my balance doing your stupid sobriety test but can I ask how you keep your balance on that motorcycle as fat as you are?” He told me I wasn’t funny and that I was lucky he didn’t find any weapon In my car and that a night in jail will teach me to respect authority.

Stupid as I sounded looking back now I believe I showed remarkable control not saying what I really wanted to say to him. At the time of this incident I had been living in the states for about 15 years and having attended high school and college growing up with black, white, brown and Asian friends I had heard many of stories about how cops are dangerous and that I should be careful as a minority living in America. I had myself tasted a bit of racism here and there but never from a cop even tough I had been pulled over 7 times before that night at different points in my driving career. I have always been aware of social injustice and systematic racism or oppression if you prefer that exists in the USA but while knowing that I always thought that if anyone follows the demand of the cops as they get pulled over there would be no escalation. That these black people on the news must have done something to escalate the situation.

That miserable night opened my eyes to a whole new set of realities of a life for a black person in United States. Up to that point the racism I felt toward me was from ignorance but that night I realized that’s just a part of it and the bigger part is hate in a person’s heart based on color ethnicity or religion. Up to that point I was able to give it back to that ignorant idiot because it was the dude at Costco or the idiot security guard at my college without much authority or more importantly without a gun.

It is easy to come to the conclusion that systematic racism and oppression exists if you just cared enough to look at the news and read once in a while or listen to your friends and family. It is exhausting, depressing and devastating to feel it and to live through it for even just a few hours. Now imagine that your black and you have to live through it day in and day out that you have to live in fear every time you drive every time you leave the house ever time you read the news or look at the news waiting to hear about the next black person dying. Chris Rock the famous comedian once said in one of his stand up shows that “no white person in this room would switch places with me, none of you, and I’m rich” it took me a while but I think I understand.

I spent that night in jail and I won’t talk about that experience but for more than 13 hours I felt angry violated helpless and alone in a room with 21 other men. When a friend posted bail and I got out I made a phone call to my beat friend and the love of my life explaining all the hours I was missing and cried like a baby as I was charged with felony resisting arrest, possession, DWI(driving while intoxicated) and disregarding traffic laws. Long story short I wanted to plead not guilty but after hours of talking with a lawyer and researching my options and almost $8000 in lawyer fees I decided to take a deal for a misdemeanor DWI and a 1 year suspensions of my driver’s license.

I can only imagine if you have no money and have to first stay in jail and use a public defender as representation for the most likely outcome of permanent felony conviction on record that will prevent a person from hoping for so many employment opportunities or prestigious careers. I was lucky that I had access to money and knew people in certain positions that were able to help me out of a terrible situation caused by a racist individual in position of power. I got my life back on track but to this day there are times that I think back at that night and it angers me depresses me and gets my heart racing and my fist clinched.

The emotional scar left on my mind and in my heart is the real cost of that night and I will carry it with me for as long as I live. I have never looked at the cops the same since then and I never will although I know that most of them maybe good but certain professions specially those given power of authority by law cannot or should not have bad ones. It is only through accountability and equality as well as a fair justice system that we can beat this systematic oppression and racism that exist in our society.

Prosperity for all should be the goal of a democratic nation. One of the most important poets in human history a persian poet Saadi Shirazi once said “a man is insensible to the relish of prosperity till he has tasted adversity”. Although I have had just a small taste of police injustice and in no way can fully appreciate the pain and suffering of the black community I can say at the very least I listen, I try and I act on what I know is righteous. I stand with my brothers and sisters of color anywhere in the world because black lives matter.

I did not want to edit this draft and therefore it is raw from the heart and with some grammar issues no doubt but I wanted this to be an original draft posted. Be kind and understand of each other as we move forward for a better and more progressive society.